We live in a time when facial hair is no longer the socially acceptable demonstration of awesomeness that it was in your grandfather’s day. Just ask yourself, when was the last time that you or your man grew a moustache outside of Movember, and why that is? Well it may surprise you, but the reason behind this is advertising in the early 20th century by razor manufacturers. That’s right, Mad Men are what lead to the decline of the moustache and beard, by portraying smooth lady faced men as being the people to aspire to, which has set the cause of bearded men and hirsute women in the 20th and 21st century back prodigiously. So much so that now just having a moustache is seen as so ridiculous that the only way anyone would grow one is if it were to raise money for charity.
There just aren’t many people who rock a moustache outside of the socially accepted period of Movember. Yet moustaches are still an extremely powerful affectation, able to transform what could just be a normal looking face, into one of character and strength. Chances are if you have no other redeemable social qualities that people can embrace, then a moustache is your best and quickest option to become popular.
Now it’s no longer just the advertising world at it, the entertainment industry is also getting stuck in, by pervading negative connotations to facial hair every chance it gets. For example someone’s evil twin or clone – they’ll be rocking a goatee, a dastardly madman with a penchant for tying buxom women to train tracks- pencil moustache waxed on the tips. Overweight antisocial loner- well, that’s a fine looking neck beard.
Luckily for some though, chest hair is still seen as totally masculine symbol of virility, but for how long? How long before the rise of the chest razor – with special ridges to glide over the nipple and somehow get into those hard to reach clefts in between your bulging chest muscles. We have to act now!
The cause is not without support, with celebrities occasionally jumping on the beardwagon, including those occasionally sexiest men alive- George Clooney and Brad Pitt, but such is the anti-beard conditioning that not even they can make them popular. Showing that we can’t do it alone, which is why it all comes down to the lady folk. You see spiky five o’clock shadows as nature’s way of saying- don’t touch so you shy away, so then men have to keep up a rigorous daily shaving routine just to get a smooch. A vicious cycle indeed.
But the secret the makers of the 8 bladed razors don’t want you to know is, that after 2 weeks a beard is soft like a teddy bear made of unicorn silk and rainbows. So women folk, let your man grow the beard he’s always secretly wanted. It’s the only way to stop humans evolving into the androgynous jump suit clad weirdos that science fiction movies from the 1950s were trying to warn us about. Now that’s a hairy situation to be in. So grow a beard and save humanity.